revised: 10-02-04 (ehh... bored at work so this is what i do :P)
i don't really feel like updating anymore so imma be having a long entry here and then update prollie once in a blue moon... who knows... just call me to see how im doing...
<:: this is my mind ---//>
sometimes i really think to myself... am i really happy when i think i am? I always feel happy, but then later on i sometimes get a bit down and confused feeling about some things. But don't worry, i never show my down side as much. It's just some things i wish that never happened in my life. Most of them I didn't deserve to go through. sigh... some things i wish i never read, saw, done, heard, and think of from the past and present up to now, but i tend to think too much so what can you do...
When I went back to my real home, i was looking in my room and wow it's really empty... just my bed and bookshelf... yeah i was really excited when i moved out and such and it still feels gude, but i still miss the fact that the money i make would be all spending money and saving it for whatevers, but the main fact of what i miss is seeing my parents everyday... i love them dearly and thank them for everything... especially my dad... Since day one i moved out, i haven't seen my dad... i couldn't even see him for his bday cuz i had to freaking work, but he was happy that i called to say happy birthday to him. I can so tell he misses me, even though i can be a rough girl to deal with --;; My bro.. he's 6 years older than me but i still have much respect for him even though we didn't do things that bro and sis would normally do... but i still love him and he's there for me 24/7 whenever i need him. My grandma... i miss the most... She's my other half and best friend since day one i was born... she's my hero... she's 87 and still kickin' healthy. HOPE she's still alive when i get married... hopefully... ^^. My mom she calls me like 3 times a week asking if she can buy me this and that -_-;; i don't need anymore clothes or purses... im not a materialistic person... and i never will be. Sure i have clothes from major name brand stores, hats, and other accessories, but that's not what im all about. Also, an unusual thing is... i kinda miss going to church... there was a reason why i stopped going, but looking at some old pamphlets from my church FWMC and the retreat and revivals i went to, makes me wanting to stop by again... someday... i know my parents want me to. Don't get me wrong though, my feelings for God is still the same and always will be strong and bold, but NOBODY can ever consider themselves as a TRUE CHRISTIAN. I can say that i'm a Christian cuz i am. But ever calling yourself a true Christian? That's just SIMPLY BS to me... if you think i'm wrong, give me a holler and i'll tell you why...
I use my money wisely and for important things. Such as paying monthly bills for the apartment:: rent, electric bill, cable internet and tv, and grocery shopping. I'm 19 and i have all this ish that i'm dealing with. I like it even though it's stressful at times, but im content. It makes me feel good about myself and how others are just always relying on their parents; or if your rich then being a rich snobby bitch taking money for granted. Just wait until the real world comes for you guys... you just don't know... I know how to be independent, i started early. I didn't have to, but i wanted to. I give myself props to where i'm at now. Few of my dreams and goals came true, and there's much more i will be accomplishing before I turn 21... i must say... it feels gude to flaunt that you have your own place, a well paying job, and in college, which i will be attending the U in 06' in california. Reason in 06' cuz im just basically waiting for my baby to get done w/ his classes here at bellevue as i am finishing up for my AA this year.
I must say I'm tired of washington, im tired of some BS that some people try to drag me into. Im a strong girl so don't think you fully know me and how i'll react or handle certain situations. Screw everyone who thinks imma failure. You know what? You punks take a look where you're at and grow the hell up and stop talking shit like you know everything and thinkin' what's best for me. I'm steppin' up so if you wanna talk more shit, have the guts to say it to me... cuz deep down you know you guys are failures compared to me. haha damn i'm starting to sound concieted about how my lifestyle is right now... >_< but im just speaking the truth i think. Nobody that i know of is at my level at my age and it feels gude to see it... makes me more motivated and proud of myself. So what's wrong w/ flaunting my shizzo!! nothing Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
. This state is getting more and more boring. I've lived in this state all my life yo... yeah dude... This is why i can't wait until i start college in cali (i made my parents proud, fuck UW, i never applied there cuz it's too damn overrated). I love trying new things and i just cait wait to be at the u in california...
My last rave will be Freaknight 8 2004 and that'll be a total of exactly 3 years of raving in my lifetime here in WA. I still remember my frist rave, freaknight 5.. it was awesome... and remember the NAF days you kiddos?! so much memories cherished there... The new generation is coming up and it's not the same as it used to be the first 2 years. So you new gen kids, make the most of it for yourselves. It's not just meeting more people and to be known, it's all about the passion of the music... the vibe that you get when you hear classics and hard shizzos... i love to dance my heart out, especially 2-3 hours straight, but my legs aren't what they used to be anymore... Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
But that doesn't stop me from dancing hardcore and getting lost into the music. ^^. spinning my records is so much fun.. one day i will make my own cd and maybe even spin at a party Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
ehhh nothing more to say for now... time to go back to my work and studies... it's great that i'm able to study and do hw at work... such a laid back job. I love it, but then it gets tiring sometimes, cuz im always here late... rOar~ that's all i do nowadays... work...study... eat.. chill a lil... sleep...
"Difference between LUST and LOVE "
Lust is when you love what you see.
Love is when you lust for what is inside.
"don't think it... just let yourself go... and feel it."
~ janice chae